He Ain't Heavy..... I am

This one is somewhat of a difficult subject for me to write about.  It is personal in nature, and to be honest it started out as a personal journal entry that I didn't really intend on posting here.  Oh well, here it goes....

       In High School I was an athlete. Specifically I was fast.  I loved to run, cross country, track, it didn't matter.  I weighed 160lbs soaking wet and I could fly!  Then something changed,  college.  My dorm cafeteria had a waffle bar and it was all over.  I stopped working out and started gaining weight.  By the end of my freshman year I was up to 175lbs.  From there things got worse.  My at the time girlfriend got pregnant, we got married and I had twins.  Suddenly I realized that when I got stressed I ate.  my weight climbed to 207 lbs, and I realized something had to change.... I started working out, eating right, and fought my way to 185lbs and was dropping fast!  Then two years ago I got a divorce, lost my job, and broke my ankle inside of a 6 week period.   Needless to say that much stress, coupled with immobility, I started to gain weight again. As of January 1st 2012 I weighed in at an unhealthy as all living crap 220lbs.

        Even with that number staring me in the face I didn't start to fight it until June.  One day I was watching a Rockies game on TV when my daughter jumped into my lap and declared "Fat daddy! so comfy!" that was a breaking point for me. Currently I'm down to 206, and steadily loosing, but it hasn't been easy.  This time I'm trying to shift my focus from losing weight to getting healthy, and that seems to be working.  Instead of just running every day, I lift weights a couple times a week in my basement, ride my new mountain bike on the wicked trails next to my house, and yes I still go for a run now and then (it is in my blood).  I'm determined to be healthy, to get in shape, but I'm still frustrated.  I'm not a patient man, I just wish I was where I wanted to be.  I struggle every day with self-esteem, jealousy, some days I can barely stand looking in the mirror.  The more I work the better I feel, and the less frequent those days become.

     However, the last few days I've allowed my diet to slip into old habits.   Drinking soda, snacking on chips, hell last night at 11:00 I ate three tamales. Yesterday I skipped my workout.  So today,  feeling not so well when I got home, I jumped on my bike and was quickly reminded how difficult it is for your body to run on crap  food like that.

     So, to get to the point.  Why am I writing this?  Simply put, I'm writing this because today I'm discouraged.  I'm not happy with my health, I'm not near my goals, and for some reason they seem so much further away than usual.  So  writing this serves two purposes, to put myself on public notice and ask you, my readers, to hold me accountable for my health.  Secondly, if anyone is fighting the same battle I am, I want you to know you aren't alone.  As Red Green says "we're all in this together."

As always thanks for reading, and I apologize for the complete lack of humor/ advice, but hey, read the description.  This is after all a blog without a purpose.